I feel like my life is falling apart. The safety net under me is getting loose and looser and I can't seem to hold it together anymore. I thought I could do it but I can't. And when I need the support, I just don' get it. Where is he when I most need him?? Threatening to leave me? I could not believe my ears. The one person I put all my hopes on was threatening to leave me. I guess it is true what they say about not putting all your eggs in one basket..
He might think all my paranoias arestupid, but NOT for me!!
And he should know better. After all that has happened to me, losing my father, being away from home in a strange country, away from the poeple I love, my family, my friends, him..
It's hard... And some days I have to pretend that everything i sokay, but it's not! IT's not okay. And I finally broke down. I am crying as I write this..
I feel like the stupidest person in the world. The biggest loser, with nothing in her head. Pretending to be smart, say intelligent things, be more critical. When the truth is, I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK! So what if there are CCTVs everywhere watchin over us like the notorious panopticon tower?? Are they really effecting how we act? Our attitudes? How we go about our daily lives? Maybe if you are a drug dealer! I know.. I know.. the most dangerous thing is invisible power. The most dangeorus thing is when you start thinking that it is a natural part of things. But.. Hey! Take a look around! There are always cracks in the system. And difficult conditions just make people try harder and be more creative. And who knows, maybe they aren't even recording anything on those black round eyes you see everywhere.
So what if people are paranoid about everything?? There are more important things to think about in this world, like world hunger?? Global warming?? Millions of children begging on the street??